Memories caught me.

I hate days like this. I was listening to my playlist, then I kinda remembered something. DAMN SONGS! It always reminds me of certain events that I'm longing to bury months ago. But I can't. I was shocked that I find myself crying. AGAIN? What the hell. I know I have to stop thinking about it. Naisip ko na itext sya, pero something in my mind tells me not to. Oh yes! I would not give him a chance to think that I still cares for him, that I still.........love him. But am I? Urghhhhhhh! Yes, I can always deny it but in the back of my head I know I still do love him. I hope Harry Potter spells were true so that I can use some Memory Charms. Obliviate! So I can easily forget him. But this time, I won't force it. It has not been effective since he broke my heart. I tried every other things to distract myself but at the end of it, there will always a second na maalala ko sya. I remember my professor told me "Do not move on, dwell on it" Actually, he refers that quote to my departmental exam in accounting, but I realized it can be applied also in my situation. What if I'll dwell on it? Will I win? or just hopelessly stumble again. What can I do if my will to move on wasn't good enough? Do I have to get through with it over and over again and wait for the pain to numb itself? Until I can't feel anything anymore? Am I pathetic? This guy doesn't deserve a space in my mind most especially in my heart. I hate this feeling I get after I'm done crying for a long time. My eyes sting, I can't stop thinking about everything, and I just feel flat out weak. My face is all blotchy and I just feel ugly. I'm mentally and emotionally fatigued but I just have to move on so that no one knows and the worst part is knowing that it will happen again and again and again.